You have become a true Italian if…


Test your level of “Italianess.”
You have become a true Italian if…
You must recognize yourself in 2/3 of the following statements to feel like a true Italian)

  1. You drive along an empty street where you see a single car parked in front of your favourite bar and you double park just there, boxing in the car, because it’s the closest walking distance to your bar.

  2. You find it absolutely normal that a governmental minister who has just sworn loyalty to the republic, flashes his middle finger when he happens to hear the national anthem.

  3. You read less than a book a year, and even then, it’s about a football player or a movie star.

  4. You think that calling your opponents stinky is a sensitive and convincing political point.

  5. You just shrug your shoulders when you see that your prime minister has just done his shopping for parliament by offering seats to opposition members in exchange for their support.

  6. You listen 24/7 to a radio program where the only topic of debate is local soccer.

  7. You are the most zealous, fervent, courageous, fanatic, enthusiastic patriot a land has ever known, providing this role starts with the kick off, and ends with the final whistle of a soccer match

  8. You start planning in August for your New Year’s Eve, and spend New Year’s Day complaining about the disappointing party.

  9. You spend a whole day speaking with your telephone provider’s help desk after you find out that you have been ripped off.

  10. You are aware that to be a faithful customer of a company X means to be a fool, since it’s always newcomers who are offered the best conditions.

  11. You think that stacks of rubbish piled all over the street of your third largest city makes your land very picturesque

  12. You find it absolutely normal that some members of the national parliament have changed more parties in ten years than normal people change toothbrushes in the same stretch of time.

  13. You are not surprised if jewellers, business consultants and dentists declare less income than a clerk, because in Italy this is normal.

  14. You are not taken aback if a taxi driver, when you stretch your hand to get the change after having handed over a 50 € note to pay a 20 € ride, stretches his own hand claiming that you have given him only a ten.

  15. You can’t help nodding when your boss speaks, because this has become a conditioned reflex, even if he’s asking “are you pulling my leg”?

  16. You are used to watching cars around you swerving left and right to pass other cars as if the three-lane road you are driving on is a ski slalom track.

  17. You pay an arm and a leg for the latest fully featured self phone, including a microwave and a hairdryer, because you have to show it off, although you can barely use it to dial a number.

  18. You are not amazed if all the billboards in your city, no matter if they advertise furniture or dampers, feature a half naked girl full-of-curves.

  19. You find it completely normal that your prime minister undergoes more plastic surgery than all the Hollywood stars together.

  20. You start honking like mad if the driver in front of you hasn’t already gotten out of your way 1/10 of a second after the traffic light turned green.

  21. You think the Europeans are nerds, because a minister can resign for trifles like a plagiarized doctoral thesis, or an illegal use of a few pounds of public money, whereas in the Italian Parliament a deputy would not leave his seat even under the threat of a gun.

  22. You think that someone deserves to be left in the slums of a company’s chart, if they are so naïve to do without the right connections

  23. You think that if two people have an argument, you must back the more potent of them regardless of what they are talking about.

  24. You assume it’s the world that has to conform to your habits when you are abroad, and not the other way around, because you are an Italian.

  25. You think that, in a public debate, to talk over your opponent is the most natural and effective way to let your message through.

  26. You don’t give a damn if you park your car straddling two parking places because you don’t have time to lose, and who cares about the others.

  27. You learned to use your kids as default alibi for any kind of mistake.

  28. You find that running your fingers through your hair every once in a while is a very seductive gesture.

  29. You believe that is not only acceptable to brag publicly about what you own, but even about what you only pretend to have.

  30. You believe that whatever lies east of Vienna is just east, and there aren’t such things as the Czech Republic, Slovakia, Poland, Hungary, Latvia, Lithuania, Estonia, although they all belong to the EEC.

  31. You think it’s perfectly sensible that a prime minister who took upon himself the role of paladin of Catholic values, arranges pleasure parties with other two boys in their eighties and a flock of teen agers, paid handsomely to dress in sexy nurse’s uniforms and perform strip-teases.

  32. You clapping when the airplane lands, no matter if it has been a smooth rather than a difficult landing, because you are Italian and you can’t miss a single chance to make noise.

  33. You aren’t able to say anything without accompanying your words with frantic gestures of your hands and arms.

  34. You are absolutely the first who, when the aircraft lands, switches on his mobile phone, whether you need it or not.

  35. You think it’s appropriate to have 30 out of the 32 pages of an Italian sports newspaper blabbering nonsense about football, whereas all other sports news are shrunk in two pages, ads included.

  36. You drive in the emergency lane of a congested road because you think that your shopping or the upcoming football match, whose kick off you don’t want to miss, are emergencies and you can’t afford to get stuck in the traffic jam

  37. You recognize at once the flight to Italy, at an international airport, because it’s the only one where people, instead of lining up, look like a higgledy-piggledy herd of sheep.

  38. You yell when you talk on your cell phone in public, because everybody must know your personal business, and anyway there isn’t such a word as discretion in your vocabulary

  39. You keep on voting for a charlatan who promises you heaven on earth, although you are aware it’s just skin deep words, because you are too irresponsible to take a more realistic attitude

  40. You treat public areas as if they were a huge trash can because “who cares, it’s not my place.”